


Yaz.exe has stopped working

by D4rkallmighty



Series: Random Doctor Who Shorts [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, My first Thasmin fic, The Doctor gets dunked and Yaz is there, The Doctor is amazing and kind and beautiful and Yaz malfunctions when she thinks of her, You Have Been Warned, and gay panic, and my second Doctor Who fic, tooth rotting sweetness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 01:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16882719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D4rkallmighty/pseuds/D4rkallmighty
Summary: The Doctor was wet.Blonde hair scraggly and clothes sticking to her skin. Leaving nothing to the imagination.And that did things to Yaz. Terrible. Wonderful. Things. Are those? Yep. Yaz look away. Look away now! Note to self: Get the Doctor some proper underthings. But her body wasn’t listening to her brain so she just ended up standing there with her mouth flapping like a fish. Arms extended in a half assed mime of helping the Doctor up.And then the space puppy shook her head.Yaz.exe has stopped working.





	1. Chapter 1

The Doctor was wet.

Blonde hair scraggly and clothes sticking to her skin. Leaving _nothing_ to the imagination.

And that did things to Yaz. Terrible. Wonderful. Things. _Are those? Yep. Yaz look away. Look away now! Note to self: Get the Doctor some proper underthings._ But her body wasn’t listening to her brain so she just ended up standing there with her mouth flapping like a fish. Arms extended in a half assed mime of helping the Doctor up.

And then the space puppy shook her head.

_Yaz.exe has stopped working._

“Doctor!” Ryan, clever, adventurous, not-frozen-to-the-spot Ryan, waded into the shallow water without a second thought, grabbed the Doctor by the arm and hauled her out of the freezing water.

“Here, take my jacket. You’re gonna need it more than I do.” He said, shrugging off his comfy black puffer and handing it to the Doctor.

The Doctor smiled, returning the jacket. “Oh I’m fine Ryan. Time lord, we don’t get cold.” At that moment, a small shiver passed through her. “’Kay maybe a little bit.” Thirteen rubbed her arms, trying to get some feeling back into them. She _could_ stand lower temperatures than humans but it still got to her. It was then that she noticed Yaz hadn’t moved for about a minute. “Ya alright Yaz? You're a bit flushed. Are you feeling ill?”

“’m fine Doctor.” Yaz desperately tried to tear her eyes away from the Doctor’s painfully hard nidbits. Thirteen frowned and felt Yaz’s cheek with the back of her hand. “Really, I’m totally, hundred percent fine.” Yaz was quite proud of herself that her voice was only slightly higher than normal and she hadn’t yet passed out even though her brain had almost completely shut down and was going along something like eeeeee _Ohmygodshestouchingmeeeeeeshestouchingmeshestouchingme._

It really didn’t help that their faces were only inches apart. _She’s so close. And her eyes sparkle brighter than any nebula._

“You sure?” The Doctor asked, tongue peeking out the corner of her mouth, eyebrows pinched in worry. _God Doctor you don’t know what you do to me. I just want to grab you and kiss you and taste those perfect lips of yours and pin you against the Tardis doors where I’ll-WHOA BRAIN STOP RIGHT THERE!_

“Oh no! You’re turning red now. Something’s definitely wrong with you. Quick! Ryan hand me my sonic!”

“I don’t have it. It’s still with king James.”

“Arrgh! Right! I forgot.” The Doctor face palmed. “I guess I’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way.” She sighed. “Yaz open up.”

“What?” Yaz had barely a second to react before the doctor’s thumb was in her mouth.

“Suck.” Thirteen said. Yaz was pretty sure her left knee buckled for a moment and her right leg went completely numb as the word left the Doctor’s lips. _Y-yes mistress._

“Everything seems fine although your body temperature is a lot higher than average. Probably nothing. Weather is colder here after all. But just to be sure.” Then the Doctor removed that _wet glistening digit_ and stuck it in her own mouth.

_Yaz has encountered a problem and needs to restart. Stop code: CRITICAL_PROCESS_DIED_

“Oh.” The Doctor’s eyes suddenly grew impossibly wide.

Thirteen smiled.

“Oh Yaz, Yaz, Yaz.” The Doctor stepped closer. Their lips now only millimetres apart. “Brilliant, brilliant Yaz.” Thirteen whispered against her lips, bottom lip brushing hers as green eyes searched brown.

“Doctor.” _I have wanted you for so long but how can I have you? You’re so amazing and beautiful and wonderful how can you ever love someone so insignificant as me. How can a wonderful, amazing time lord with stardust in her eyes and all of time and space at her fingertips ever be interested in a lowly human?_

And then the Doctor pressed their lips together.

 _She was kissing the Doctor. Actual proper kissing with lips parting and teeth clashing and tongues sliding against each other. OMFGHJSFLRJBLNH GAY PANIC TRIGGERED._ Yaz forgot all coherent thought as her hands flailed around and her limbs went numb while all she could hear was her heart pounding in her ears.

“Oh brilliant.” The Doctor panted against Yaz’s lips.

“ _Doctor._ ” Yaz nearly moaned. Her legs threatening to give out once more. Hands automatically coming to rest on the Doctor’s waist for support.

The sound of slow clapping yanked them from their reverie.

“Finally.” Ryan said.

“About damn time.” Graham elbowed Ryan in the side. “You owe me a tenner.” The two women looked at them, rolled their eyes, laughed and kissed once more.

“Tsk. Tsk. Doctor. And I thought _I_ was the cradle snatcher.” A sultry feminine voice said out of nowhere. Thirteen choked.

“Hello sweetie.” Hell in high heels smirked.


	2. Yaz.exe has stopped working...again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I was not expecting the reactions and praise I got for just a short scene so like here's the extended scene since so many people wanted it. Hope you like it.

“River...but you... I-I” The Doctor choked, tears welling in her eyes as she ran into her wife’s welcoming embrace.

“Oh, you poor thing. Come here.” River pressed a kiss into Thirteen's hair, cuddling her like the lovable space puppy she was. “This body always was one of my favourites. So much more open than eyebrows, though you could do with more squats and less custard creams.” She pinched the Doctor’s bum playfully.

“H-how?” River looked down into stormy eyes filled with unspoken words.

“Spoilers. Although you’ll figure it out in about 27 days from now.” River teased, plump lips twisting into her trademark smirk. The Doctor cracked, laughing happy tears as she buried her face into River's fiery curls.

“I-I thought y-you… But I…” Thirteen squeaked out between sobs.

“You already said goodbye.” River said, a slight waver in her voice as she kissed her wife properly. “Don’t worry. We have all of time to make up for that.” River hugged Thirteen tighter, never wanting to let go.

Yaz was quite frankly stunned out of her mind. The very not-straight part of her brain doing jumping jacks and drooling at the two gorgeous women in front of her while her decidedly more normal brain was having a slight aneurysm. I mean this sultry redhead with legs for days wearing tight leather that made her legs go weak appears out of friggin nowhere and the Doctor, _her_ Doctor just runs to her and starts crying. She even kisses her for crying out loud! And the woman even has the nerve to cop a feel. The gall of her! Who does she think she is? Like, just moments ago she had been kissing the Doctor, thinking everything was alright with the world and now what the hell is this?!

Storming towards them, Yaz cleared her throat and was just about to unleash hell when the redhead suddenly broke from Thirteen’s arms and started kissing her instead.

_Hotlipssosoftmmmmphstrawberry. Whyisshekissingme? Brain no stop help to away._

“And you must be Yasmin Khan,” River turned back to the doctor “You do have a thing for police don’t deny it. First the TARDIS, then my dear old mum and now this new companion of yours.” She turned back to Yaz looking her up and down. “My my, the Doctor _does_ have good taste.” She cocked her head “Except in clothes.” River smiled and stepped away from the stunned and slightly drooling policewoman, whirling around with her hands on her hips. “What on earth are you wearing?”

“Bracers! Bracers are cool!”

“Its rubbish.”

“It’d be better if I had my coat! It has pockets!”

“And here I was hoping that your twelfth self’s dress sense would carry over. It seems you’ve regressed even further than your fifth self. And he wore stick of celery! Though the rainbow shirt is a little too on the nose don’t you think?”

“You...really don’t like it?” Thirteen hung her head like a defeated puppy.

“It’s...very _you._ ” River sighed, taking hold of the Doctor's hands. “I’ve missed you so much.” The daughter of the TARDIS pressed a kiss to Thirteen’s forehead. “Why. Didn’t. You. Come. Visit. Me.” She whacked the Doctor with her gloves her planet busting glare leveled at the oncoming storm.

“I’m sorry, w-who are you?” Yaz stammered. Having finally rebooted enough brain cells to form a coherent sentence.

“River.” The redheaded goddess answered, smiling. As if everything could be explained by that one word. She got nothing but blank stares in return.

“Who? Okay Doctor now I'm proper confused.” Ryan shrugged.

“Oh yeah, River! Sure, the Doc's talked loads about you. Though I wouldn’t mind a reminder. She tends to talk a lot and I lose her half the time.” Graham smiled.

“You...” River began, almost wanting to chide the Doctor for forgetting her so quickly. Then she saw the faint glimmer of a golden chain around her neck and the circular outline underneath it.

“I told you all I lost my family a long time ago.” The Doctor began, struggling to keep her voice steady. “River was part of that family. She was..Is my wife.” She fiddled with the ring around her neck, finally letting her companions see that which had once fit perfectly.

“You have a wife?!” Yaz sputtered, her cheeks heating up as she realised she was the other woman. “Well technically I’m her fourth wife and she’s my second wife and seventh husband.” River said with a flap of her hand. “One can’t afford to be lonely while traveling all of time and space.” She shot the Doctor a look. “Why do you think she always has companions? Oh yes I know about Clara and Missy you dirty old man.”

_Yaz.exe has encountered... nevermind. Just shut down right now._

“I-but, we...you.” Yaz went limp, eyes rolling backwards as she hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

“Well. That has never happened before.” River cocked her head while Thirteen freaked out, dashing forward to check on the unconscious brunette beauty.

“River!” The Doctor hissed.

“What? I’d never pass on the chance to mess with my second favourite wife. Oops, spoilers.” She winked.


End file.
